http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/rss.php?w=new New Blogs in Boys and Schools Blog. en-us Fri, 25 Jul 2008 06:39:07 -0400 Boys and Schools Blog RSS mhn@sohummm.com http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=311 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=311 Before I begin, I wanted to let you know that we will be starting a regular e-newsletter very soon.  While our resident internet geniuses work on creating an easy way to sign-up, however, I am forced to resort to sadly low-tech methods.  So, if you want to make sure that you receive our newsletter (which will be only slightly less awesome than a boys-oriented e-newsletter penned by a committee consisting of Faulkner, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Dave Barry), please be sure to send us an email at schools@menshealthnetwork.org.  (Just put the word "subscribe" in the subject line or text--nothing else is necessary.) Now, on to the main event. In the grand scheme of crunchy parenting, I'm really not that crunchy.  Sure, I only use unbleached organic baby wipes made from cotton that grew myself and wove into a re-usable pad using a specially-purchased Mayan baby wipe loom.  But other than that, I'm a pretty mainstream parent.   (If you are a crunchy parent, that's cool--I only tease out of love, I swear. I do think that a lot of the things that are considered "crunchy" in parenting reflect some great changes in parenting philosophy in general.)  The reason that I start with this disclaimer is to make it clear that, in general, I don't have any issues with immunizations or the usual childhood vaccine schedule, or anything like that. However, for the past several months, I  have been watching the growing debate over requiring the HPV vaccine for boys, and as a result, I want to run in yelling, "Whoa, let's just hold on a sec here."  Now, I don't mean to suggest that it isn't a great thing that they've found a way to prevent HPV and some forms of cervical cancer.  And I have no intention of entering the moral debate, which is beyond the scope of my objection and also tends to provoke a lot of angry mail.  I'm not even going to weigh-in on whether it should be required for girls to enter school.  My concern is mostly that we don't allow our exultation at this treatment to override our care for boys' health.  At present, the FDA has not yet fully tested the vaccine on boys and men, and we know next to nothing about the possible long-term side effects for boys.  Now, it may well turn out to be nothing but beneficial, and I certainly hope that will be the case.  But until we get some actual, you know, scientific research on the issue, I think we should be cautious about passing any mandates about boys and the vaccine. Wed, 23 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0400 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=310 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=310 We're going to take a break from the serious today, but for some interesting commentary on the gender gap in college, be sure to check out Richard Whitmire's blog.  Whitmire speculates on the possible social consequences of the growing lopsided gender balance on college campuses--especially related to how it might affect marriage and courtship on a broad scale.  To be honest, courtship on college campuses had already greatly eroded by the time I was in school--though I suspect it was related more to the sexual revolution than anything else.  The new question is how the shortage of men on college campuses might affect the search for "marriageable mates." And now for the fluff, wherein I will describe a frivolous behavior of my own son and expand it wildly into a larger statement about boys.  So, without further ado, here are the top 5 songs that my four-year-old insists on listening to when they come on the radio on the way to the grocery store: 5. "Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys.  I want to blame the video game Rock  Band for this, since I know it's in the playlist, but my husband almost never plays it, so I'm not really sure where this is coming from.  My son is not allowed to watch MTV (though that's really irrelevent to the question of whether he can watch music videos) but perhaps he has some sort of ESP about cool cop show spoof videos?  In any case, I have to admit that it's kind of hilarious to hear insistent requests to listen to, "Sam-a-tage." 4. "All the Small Things" by Blink-182.  Well of course he likes this one, the lyrics include about two minutes of, "Na na na na na."  And when you're four, life really is all about the na na nas. 3. "Hey Ya" by OutKast.  Probably the least surprising of the bunch.  I've yet to meet anyone who doesn't like OutKast's "Hey Ya."   It's quite an accomplishment to create a song that can win over DJs, investment bankers, and people who occasionally put their shoes on the wrong feet. 2. "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden.  This is definitely the fault of Rock Band, seeing as it's one of the few songs that my husband can play on drums on expert.  And it is slightly disturbing to hear your preschooler demand that you let it play.  I thought about forbidding it on the grounds that it has a creepy video and morose lyrics, but I couldn't begin to tell you what those lyrics mean.  And my short internet search has revealed that no one else can either.  Including the writer, apparently. 1. "What I've Done" by Linkin Park.  I know, I know.  It's not something I'm proud of, believe me.  But let me explain.  You see, this song is prominently featured in the Transformers live action movie.  Transformers is, of course, a marketing and merchandising juggernaut about good robots who can turn into vehicles that fight bad robots that turn into planes.  I don't know if there is anything on earth more interesting to a small boy than a robot fight that includes planes and trucks, and I'm pretty sure that this is what my son thinks this song is about.  And considering how expensive an Optimus Prime toy is, I'm happy to confine the robot battles to the imagination with only a little accompanying soundtrack. So what have I learned?  Well, little boys like guitars, drum solos, and emulating their daddy.  It's always a little disconcerting to see how your smallest habits get picked up by your kids, and sometimes it takes repeated requests for a Linkin Park song to hammer home how pervasive that influence can be.  So take it from someone who would be happy if she never had to listen to "Black Hole Sun" ever again, be aware of how pervasive pop culture can be and how easily your tastes can be absorbed by your children--especially if you're not a big Soundgarden fan. Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0400 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=309 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=309 How exactly does one measure parenting skills, I wonder?  I mean, I have taken three children under the age of 5 to the grocery store and am simultaneously able to fend off requests for cookies while protecting the well-being of the eggs and chips.  Don't tell me that doesn't take some skill.  But I think that when researchers are talking about levels of parenting skill, they've got something else in mind--at least one hopes that it's something more sophisticated than, "has never handed a two-year-old a cigarette and bottle of Jack Daniels and told them to, 'keep on truckin.'"  Of course, good parenting skills, however they're defined, are pretty consistently correlated to the kinds of things we want to see in our kids.  Though I confess that I do think that they lead to the regrettable tendency to lay any fault or problems that a kid may have at the feet of their parents rather than looking at other influences.  But it's hard to understate the importance of being on top of things, parenting-wise--not that I see anyone about to make the attempt.  I bring this up because the recent Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children took a look at what helped keep kids from high-risk backgrounds from engaging in dangerous or antisocial behavior (e.g. smoking, arson, carrying weapons, underage drinking, and so on), and their results indicate two significant influences in keeping boys away from such behavior: good parenting (surprise) and a positive school experience. Well, I'm pretty sure that we're all aware of what it takes to produce good parenting, even if we may fall a little short from time to time.  (Note to self: confirm that baby powder container is closed before allowing infant daughter to hold it, especially when near navy blue upholstery.)  But providing boys with that positive school experience is the real challenge.  An atmosphere where boys feel demotivated, where their natural bent for activity is too constrained, or where their interests and inclinations are ignored can quickly turn into an unpleasant experience, leading to the behavioral problems mentioned above.  It's one of those things that seems so simple that I can't believe we need as study to tell us, but if we can keep boys feeling good about themselves at school, we can keep them out of trouble. Fri, 18 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0400 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=308 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=308 I've got another sneak peek from our new "Let Boys Be Boys" videos for you today.  This time, we're emphasizing how boys' innate drive to compete can actually be used as a motivation device.  I think that a lot of people aren't really sure what to do about the competitive nature of boys outside of sports and other contests.  But in fact, there are plenty of examples of teachers and schools that have taken this inclination and turned it into a way to get boys working harder at their studies, whether it be through challenging them to better their own performance or by creating challenges and contests.  (My favorite may be the all-boys school that divides all students, Harry Potter-style, into different groups from the very beginning of their time there and rewads teams for its members accomplishments, academic or otherwise.)  Anyway, enjoy:   Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0400 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=307 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=307 Of the many, many things I do that doom me to uncoolness--and not even the kind of uncool where you don't care and end up cool after all; the kind where you really are just a dork--right up there at the top (along with using coupons) is the fact that I go on and on about alcohol and drug use.  Like most adults, I am in the uncomfortable position of having to advocate against something that I don't have entirely clean hands on myself, and that just increases the awkwardness of it all.  I know that something has happened in the last 50 years or so that has made hypocrisy the unforgiveable sin of the modern era, and I find it incredibly annoying.  I sometimes wonder if the average person would rather be called a thief than a hypocrite.  It certainly does seem like popular culture has embraced a sort of teenage ethics, where nothing could be worse than to advise against something that you yourself have done.  Of course, as a matter of logic, the whole thing is absurd, since it's really a matter of enjoying self-righteousness over wisdom, and taken to extremes, means that we can disregard the murderer's admonition not to murder others, since that would make him a hypocite. Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes.  I shudder to think about the angry letters I'll be writing to TV Guide in my golden years. So, as I was saying, it's ever so fun to be an adult lecturing about teenage alcohol and drug use.  But, since we're the ones paying for mortgages, and tuition, and clothing that is despressingly reminiscent of what we wore in high school (only now it's ironic), and video game systems that cost about the same as a mortgage, I think it's time that we erased the little voice in our head that goes, "I learned it from watching you," whenever the subject comes up.  Life makes hypocrites of us all, if we're lucky.  And in the meantime, there is actually a serious issue at stake. Consider the recent research that has resurrected the much maligned concept of the gateway drug.  It seems that there is a strong correlation between teens who begin drinking alcohol early (like, say, at 14 as opposed to 20) and the use of illicit drugs.  The usual reaction to that kind of information is to point out that you know plenty of people who drank as teens and never turned to drugs, or to decide that any kid who starts drinking at 14 has a lot of other problems that will help lead him to drugs.  But while that may be true, it is also a way of avoiding the issue and dismissing the problem.  Statistics show that boys are more likely to drink alcohol or do drugs (along with other high-risk behaviors), and not all of those boys come from troubled homes, nor do they all escape unscathed.  I could wish that popular culture wouldn't glamorize and trivialize alcoholism and drug use.  I could also wish that I lived in a house made of solid gold, surrounded by chocolate truffles and free babysitters, where all celebrities who agree to do a reality show about their "everyday" life instead find themselves in a real life Running Man game.  The truth is, it's up to us parents to ignore the awkwardness, the silly claims of hypocrisy, and so on, and do our best to safeguard our sons from alcoholism and drugs.  Better to be a hypocrite than to be part of an intervention. Tue, 15 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0400 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=306 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=306 For awhile now, I've been planning to create a series of video clips to bring more attention to boys' issues.  So consider this as something in the light of a sneak preview, as we have finally posted the first of that series on You Tube.  I've taken to calling it the, "Let Boys be Boys," campaign, as I think that expresses the essence of what we're really about.  Future clips will highlight topics like the literacy gap as well as other boys' health and education issues.  Of course, I will let you all know when we get more up there (and you can always subscribe to the You Tube channel as well), but in the meantime, enjoy:   Fri, 11 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0400 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=305 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=305 I know I don't usually link to generic parenting advice in this space.  That's because I find most parenting advice either stupendously obvious or mildly annoying or both.  (Not advice from my mom, of course, which is usually helpful, if somewhat tinged with the satisfaction of someone who is enjoying the karmic retribution that all parents long for their children to experience.)  To be honest, my favorite kind of parenting advice is the kind that tells parents to calm down and trust their own instincts and knowledge of their children.  I don't think we get that enough nowadays. As an example, I offer this article on bullying from MSN--partly because of its advice on how to teach your older child to handle aggression, but mostly for its sensible attitude to the parent's fear that you might be raising a bully.  Sometimes I think that we're somehow losing all knowledge of what can be expected from young children in terms of behavior.  It's as though  we've taken the Rousseauian romanticism of children's nature to ridiculous extremes--whether it be in those who are reluctant to place any curbs whatsoever on their children's behavior or from those who pathologize any behavior that falls outside of their vision of naturally obedient children as being an obvious sign of some kind of disorder requiring medical intervention.  To be honest, while the former group can be a bit annoying, the latter is the more harmful because it is this group that calls for the doctors and the prescriptions the moment a little boy starts acting in a way that they decide is abnormal--in short, when he starts acting like a little boy.  What I liked about the MSN article is that it tries to cut through the hysteria that can erupt from any sign of (totally normal and natural) aggressive behavior from a preschool or toddler-aged child.  No, I'm not claiming that these kind of things don't need to be corrected, but that's what parents are for.  However, just because little Jake got upset and lashed out over the color of his pudding cup doesn't mean that you're raising a bully or need an intervention. This is what people mean when they point out that we may have a child-centered culture, but we definitely don't have a parent-centered one.  A parent-centered culture would be more supportive and less judgmental of what parents go through.  When, "It's really the parents' fault  . . . " is such a popular way to start a sentence, who could wonder that parents get a little paranoid? Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0400 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=304 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=304 I have a plea for all of the English teachers out there.  I know you have your hands full, but if you find a moment, can you please try to make people understand the difference between a spoof, a satire, and ordinary humor?  Because I don't know if it's the pervasiveness of snark and cynicism that passes for wit lately or just a lack of fundamentals, but I notice that hardly anyone seems to be able to identify the difference between these any more. The above annoyance was brought on by the fact that we went to see Hancock this weekend.  Without getting turning this space into an impromptu movie review, I'll say that was fun, esepecially in the way that it attempted to create a superhero that lives in the real world  However, I've been incredibly annoyed by a few commentators who seem to feel that the fact that it poked a little fun at the conventions of the superhero genre made it into a spoof or satire.  No such thing.  (Oh, and I would like those same commentators to note that the Fill-In-the-Blank Movie series--Scary Movie, Epic Movie, etc.--are properly referred to as, "incredibly lame spoof attempts that make you long for a lobotomy.") Sorry to get so sidetracked.  The real reason I brought up Hancock is that before the movie, I noticed a preview for one of those heartwarming stories about a girl who makes her high school football team.  And because I'm mean and grouchy, I became annoyed rather than inspired.  The movie itself seems pretty formula, and I'm sure that everyone involved is perfectly nice and charming.  That's not my problem.  I just get frustrated that we continue to be beset by this sports double standard.  Because, let's face it, we're not going to see a heartwarming story starring a former rap star about a boy who, against all odds, goes out for (I dunno) the rythmic gymnastics team.  (Though if they did, and it starred 50 Cent, I would definitely go see it.)  So when girls go out for boys' teams, they are feminist heroes.  When boys go out for girls' teams, it's food for mockery.  Moreover, feminists who would defend the female quarterback would also point out that girls deserve to have the benefits of single-sex teams and competition if they wish.  Boys, of course, don't seem to get the same courtesy. I know, I know.  It's just a movie.  But it is foolish to think that movies can't reflect cultural attitudes.  And I worry that this is just one more area where we could see boys slowly marginalized before anyone notices what's happening. Tue, 08 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0400 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=303 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=303 I just want to wish everyone out there a Happy Fourth of July!  Have a great day enjoying the blessings of freedom, barbecue, and cold drinks.  And now, a nine-year-old boy playing the National Anthem (with a little Van Halen introduction) on the guitar:     Have a good holiday weekend all, and don't forget to stop by the Blogger's Choice Awards to vote for us.   Thu, 03 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0400 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=302 http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/boys/blog/blog.php?bid=302 Lately, my husband and I have been taking the boys out to play tennis quite a bit.  I will confess that in this context, the term, "play," means that they first get to run around and pick up tennis balls for us before we get to the part where they get to swing at a few.  (I say, "swing at," instead, "hit a few," to more accurately describe the activity going on.)  Hey, it's a time-honored way to learn tennis, following in the footsteps of my own childhood and many of my friends.  Like how sushi chefs are supposed to spend their first year or so just learning to make the rice.  Yes, we're training them to be Master Ball Picker-Uppers. Still, it's exercise, and as far as they know, it's fun.  What's more, it turns the lesson part of the day into a treat, so I consider it decent strategy.  And when you consider how strange and partitioned the divide between fun and exercise is starting to get, even for children, it makes me wonder where we're going with our ideas of fitness and youth.  Hold on a second while I get out the rocking chair and the bourbon. Ok, there we are.  Now as I was saying, back in my day, especially during the summer, play was exercise--though (to be fair) I did live in the kind of suburban neighborhood that made this easy to accomplish.  There were various sports activities that our parents would sign us up for--swimming teams, soccer teams, tennis camps, etc.--all of which had some competitive element to them, but still fell into the Fun/Play category.  Those who were doing sports as a truly competitive endeavor had more specialized programs to enter (traveling teams, high-level leagues, and so on).  Now, it seems that the whole system is just getting more and more disjointed.  I've seen preschool soccer teams with a dysfunctional mix of parents who think the whole thing is supposed to be a form of playgroup, parents who would like to see something approximating soccer being taught, and parents who seem to have mistaken their daughter for the second coming of Pele in a match only slightly more important than a World Cup Final.  I might be succumbing to an excess of nostalgia here, but as adults we seem to be so fractured and frenzied and scheduled in the way we try to balance play and work that it sometimes looks like we're arranging our own children's lives in similar ways. Ok, time to send crotchety ol' Malia away and get to the point.  This entire rant was spurred by the recent report from Texas finding only a minority of schoolchildren achieving a healthy level of fitness.  And the percentage of fit children seems to drop as they get older.  Somewhat shockingly, in elementary school, fewer boys than girls were consider fit, though that statistic reverses (barely) by high school.  I don't want to make too much of this study, since the article seems to indicate that there is plenty of room for reporting errors and there's much detail about the fitness test itself.  But it does make me wonder what is going on with exercise and our children.  Have we really become that much more sedentary a culture in just a generation or so? Wed, 02 Jul 2008 00:00:00 -0400